Tips from the psychologist
Family gatherings can be a major source of anxiety for people who are looking for a baby. Often, the people around them can be indiscreet and ask the dreaded questions: ‘And when is the baby due?’, ‘It’s your turn, it’s your turn, then the rice will be over….’, ‘Even your little brother has already beaten you to it….’. ‘Aren’t you going to give the child a little brother?’ or similar comments that generate discomfort. In addition, it is possible to be afraid that during these meetings someone will announce a pregnancy, which increases the emotional tension even more.
Here are some suggestions from a spsychologist specializing in assisted reproduction to help you better handle these situations and protect your emotional well-being.
1. Anticipate and prepare for uncomfortable questions
Anxiety usually appears when we perceive that the demand exceeds our ability to deal with it successfully. So be prepared for the situation:
- Prepare a brief, assertive response to end the conversation if you don’t feel like talking about it.
For example: “We really appreciate your interest and your listening, but we prefer not to go into details right now. When we have any news, don’t worry, you’ll be the first to know’.
2. Visualise the situation if you fear a pregnancy announcement.
If you suspect that someone might announce a pregnancy at your family or friends’ gathering, think in advance about how you will react. Imagine the scenario and mentally rehearse a simple but sincere way to congratulate the couple. Having this in mind will help you feel more confident and better control your emotional reaction.
3. Stay calm in the face of judgmental comments
Sometimes family, friends or people close to you (or even not so close), allow themselves to judge your situation with expressions such as:
‘If you already have a child, why are you going to complicate your life by going for another one?’, ‘Why do you need to go for a baby at your age?’ ‘If nature has already shown you that you can’t have children, why do you insist?’.
In this case, it is best not to get upset and try to respond calmly:
‘I understand that everyone has their own point of view, and I respect it, but for us it is important to follow our life project. We appreciate your interest, but it is our dream and a personal decision’.
4. Avoid meetings that are too painful for you.
If possible, and while you are going through this emotionally delicate time, avoid family or social gatherings where you know there will be pregnant women, babies, constant conversation about pregnancy, or fashionable baby showers.
Don’t feel guilty for prioritising your mental health, you will avoid these types of gatherings just for a while, whoever really cares about you will understand. Sometimes an explanation is necessary.
For example: ‘I would love to go to this meeting, but the truth is that I’m going through a difficult time right now and I don’t feel ready. I hope you understand and don’t feel bad, in a while I’ll be back to my old self’.
Sincerity, expressed with respect, often generates empathy and understanding from others.
5. Remember that most people act with good intentions
In any case, even though in our culture it is common to be discreet and even somewhat invasive of people’s privacy, remember that people ask questions, give opinions and give advice, in most cases to help or out of affection. Keep in mind that they do it with good intentions.
Make your dream of starting a family come true.
Make your dream of starting a family come true.
Would you like to speak with one of our professionals specialized in Assisted Reproduction?
Schedule a consultation with us at Fertility Madrid and find out how we can help you.
Do you have any questions or need more information?
At Fertility Madrid we are specialists in treatments such as ovodonation, in vitro fertilisation and artificial insemination, among others.
Do not hesitate to contact our professionals in our fertility clinic and they will answer all your questions without obligation.
